Monday, December 14, 2009

fair weather smoker

the other day i was walking outside to my next class and it was freezing outside. it was about 8 degrees. i only had a small sweater on and it felt like the cold wind was going right through it. it was hard to handle the 3 or 4 minute walk from one building to the next. then i saw a few smokers just standing there with their vice in hand withstanding the cold. i thought to myself if i was ever a smoker i would only smoke outside when it was warm. as soon as i could see my breath outside i would put away my pack of cigs and my lighter away for a few months. i guess i would be a fair-weather smoker.

Monday, November 16, 2009

king of chlamydia

i was sitting in my biology class this week and my professor put up a picture of this little guy. i noticed the little italicized letters underneath the picture. the frilled-necked lizard (aka frilled lizard or frilled dragon) has one of the most embarrassing latin classification names out there. Chlamydosaurus kingii. now tell me you dont think of a sexual transmitted disease when you see that. and im not sure what the real translation is but until i find out it will be king of chlamydia.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

you make me sick

i get the urge to throw up every time i see this commercial. it doesnt make me want to use their product at all. if anything it makes me want to stay away from it.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

midnight showings

i attended the midnight showing of harry potter and the half-blood prince and i was surprised at how many people dressed up. i was more surprised at how people act at midnight showings. people yelling stupid comments. others throwing things. and just being loud and obnoxious. i know you are excited to be there and to watch the movie first but please control yourselves from being idiots. we all came to watch and enjoy the new movie so contain yourselves.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

chicken and beer

me and my friend jeff were at macys and thought it would be fun to make chicken in a beery broth cooked in a crock pot. we picked the best day of the week: sunday. we bought all the ingredients saturday night and we were, needless to say, stoked to use a recipe from all the reviews were good and a lot of people recommended it. i think the hardest decision was finding the right beer.

this was the selection. we stood there just staring at the colorful cans of beer for a few minutes. i finally decided to go with a 24 oz of miller genuine draft. i still stand behind my decision.

browning the chicken before the crock pot

jeff chopping some potatoes and carrots

pouring in some more miller

it was fun making it, but i wouldnt recommend it. the chicken was super dry and didnt taste normal, but the vegetables were spectacular.

Friday, June 19, 2009

futbol folly

so ive been noticing lately in this great town that there are tons of people wearing soccer jerseys. at the gym. at school. shopping at the mall. etc. most of these are ex-missionaries that served in foreign countries. if youre trying to stand out: mission accomplished. it just makes it easier for me to spot you in a crowd and even easier to make fun of you. i thank you. ive come up with a few exceptions when you can sport a soccer jersey:

1 cheering for your favorite soccer team during world cup

2 if youre going to a watch a game

3 or youre a retard

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

crop dusting

i was working on my fitness at the local 24 here in provo the other day. i was on one of the many stairclimbers and caught a "wiff" of something malodorous. i knew it wasnt me so i looked around for a guilty looking person working out near me. no one looked guilty. this stench lingered for at least a minute. it was brutal. i have a hard enough time with the altitude. and now i have to deal with someone else's disgusting habit of crop dusting in public. please consider others that are near you when you are flirting with the idea of breaking wind.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

customer satisfaction

as i have stated in the previous blog i work at sears. on the bottom of every receipt there are instructions to take a survey online. its a small survey to rate how the associates did with their customers. if they were clean looking. if the department was neat. or messy. if the associate was helpful and knew his stuff. quality of products. and so on. after rating me in these several categories there is a place where one can write what they want. some unknown customer wrote something about me. they said i was like a robot and that i didnt smile enough for them. getting 6 bucks an hour. getting yelled at throughout the day by disgruntled customers. and on special days by my managers. and my personal favorite having people not show respect because i work at sears. yep all these things make me happy. and whats wrong with being a robot? sometimes i dont feel like smiling and other times i enjoy acting like a robot.

Monday, May 18, 2009

put the money in my hand

so i work at sears and have worked there for far too long. retail sucks the life out of anyone that works in it. i am no exception. some people have no respect for those that work in the retail industry. i ring people up for their purchases and most people pay with a credit card, sign, and i hand them the receipt and that's it. i probably wont remember their faces when they come back into sears. but on occasion some pay with cash which is fine, but some people throw their money on the counter as if im not right in front of them with my hand ready to take their money. really? whats the deal? are you just too lazy to raise and extend your arm to drop your money into my hand a few extra inches? come on. show some respect. or ill spit on your change before i give it back to you. its your choice.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

stupid humans

so in my bio 1610 class we are learning about the environment. global warning. recycling. conserving the ecosystem. and what we can do to stop destroying our planet. blah blah blah. my professor said something interesting tonight. she was telling us that we shouldnt build houses and live where animals live. hello? animals live everywhere. in the forests, deserts, plains, tundras, etc. i say survival of the fittest. if the animals can outwit us, more power to them.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

spring is here

so now that its finally getting warmer here, there has been a drastic change in fashion. ive heard of provo fashion and even seen pictures, but never thought it was this bad. i am experiencing it firsthand. you know when spring has arrived in provo when you see thousands and thousands of polo shirts. i didnt know so many colors existed. most of the polos have the insignia from american eagle, hollister, or abercrombie. and keep telling yourself popping your collar looks really good on you. i love sitting and making fun of people like you. choker necklaces bloom back in style as do white sandals. ive also noticed that more and more people are wearing sunglasses inside. are you serious? you might as well get transition lenses. you look ridiculous. and dont even put them on your head. please leave them in your car.

i was looking for pictures online to portray the provo style. this was the one that shows it the best.

Monday, March 23, 2009

enough already

recently i have been getting bombarded with an insane amount of invites to applications that dont suit me. ive had enough. getting multiple invites to add applications on facebook from the same person is driving me nuts. i know i used to invite others to groups, but i think i am justified because they were funny and im sure they made you laugh. some of the applications are: Which sexy lady are you?, Dr. Phil's personality test, and what's your name meaning? i dont get it. please stop before you are deleted. i apologize for being rude, but it really needs to stop. you know who you are.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

lord voldemort vs. darth vader

i was at school walking to the library and i see the picture of lord voldemort and darth vader. with this there was a question "who would win in a battle between lord voldemort and darth vader?" i immediately thought harry potter's nemesis would destroy darth vader. i have seen all of the star wars movies (never read any of the spin off books), but i do not consider myself a fan. on the other hand, i have read all the harry potter books and have seen the movies. i am biased towards lord voldemort. he is simply more evil than vader. lord voldemort never eases up on harry potter. never. he is constantly trying to kill potter. you-know-who will not allow any one of his followers to kill him, even though there has been plenty of opportune times when potter's death was imminent. voldemort wanted to kill harry potter himself. darth vader, on the other side of the spectrum, has a heart with feelings. he disobeyed emperor palpatine and threw him down into the reactor core. (i sound like a nerd. i swear im not. i wikipedia'd this stuff on darth vader.) he turned soft. he-who-must-not-be-named would never turn soft. i am sticking with my first thoughts: voldemort would annihilate darth vader.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

facebook chat etiquette

it seems like everybody and their moms has facebook now. and that there are more older people than the demographic facebook intended to reach out to. ( but whatever that's another blog for some other time). i remember chatting with friends on AIM. it brings back good memories. AIM chatting and facebook chatting are just like talking on the phone: you greet the other person, talk about whatever comes up, share stories about the day, blah blah blah and so forth, and then you finally say goodbyes. and with facebook chat you dont even have to type a word. you can type some abbreviated mess of letters that means something to the other person such as gtg, gnite, ttyl, cyal8r, and whatever else. it is not that difficult people. unless all of my friends with whom i facebook chat are a bunch of damn derelicts. i have found myself in deep conversation with friends on facebook chat and without warning they sign off. its as if im not important enough to get a "ttyl" or a "gtg." it really grinds my gears when this happens. honestly im threatened to end our relationship on facebook. next time you do this, you will be deleted.

Thursday, February 5, 2009


it has been a little over a month since i chopped off my hair. i went home for christmas break and it turned out that my family disliked my long hair. they persisted that i cut it. i held strong through the holiday break. there were so many advantages to having long hair. my hair kept my head warm. with long hair i become invisible (because people that got to know me when i had short hair dont know what i look like now). let me explain- now there are no weird salutations in the hallways of school or church or even at the gym. and with my longer hair some people that i wouldnt consider good friends couldnt recognize=invisibility. and i became knowledgeable on different types of hair products (gels, hairsprays, shampoos, conditioners, and i even broke down and bought a blowdryer). anyways it was the last day of my california vacation and i cut my hair. i regret it to this day. but there was just so much peer pressure. i had to do it. afterwards i felt naked. you know that aura of lightness when you get when you walk around naked? maybe not. but for those that have, you know exactly what im talking about. and i was feeling the same way. it took me two weeks to grow accustomed to my new look. i refused to put gel in it or even style it. i wore a hat for the first few days. furious at myself for doing what i did, i came to face reality: Life with short hair, again.